Jim: Hey Dwight, do you want an Altoid?
Dwight: Why are all these people here? There’s too many people on this earth. We need a new plague. Who are all these people?Dwight: The Schrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic. But the weddings are a bleak affair.
Kevin: No, this is not our first wedding. This is the third wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassist’s wedding, and our guitarist’s wedding.
Michael: My name is Michael Scott. Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as “the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” Well you know something? I think you guys are two metals … gold metals. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Michael Scott, Phyllis’ boss. To quote from The Princess Bride, mare-widge!
Michael: Phyllis and Bob, their celebrity couple name would be … Phylob. You look at her, and she’s kind of matronly today. But back in high school, I swear, her nickname was “Easy Rider.”