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The Office: Season 3, Episode 9(The Convict)
Prison Mike, Awesome!
Pam: Oh, she’s absolutely adorable!
Hannah: He.
Pam: Oh, sorry. He’s — he’s dressed all in pink.
Hannah: That’s his favorite color.
Pam: Oh. That’s fun for him.
Stanley: Fantastic.
Michael: I didn’t hire an ex-convict. Unless they mean Toby. Convicted rapist.
Michael: You are such a racist.
Kevin: Wait, why am I a racist?
Michael: Because you think he’s black.
Kevin: He is black … right?
Michael: Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a white guy. Who went to prison for … polluting a black guy’s lake.
Jim: Jim Halpert.
Andy: I am so horny.
Jim: Okay, I can’t help you with that.
Andy: Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack.J
im: She is dating Ryan, I think.
Andy: Oh, and I care why?J
im: She’s high-maintenance.
Andy: Next. How about … (motions toward Angela). Blondes are more fun. C’mon, trust me on that.
Jim: Yeah, trust me that would be fun for no one.
Dwight: I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.
Prison Mike: “And YOU! (points to Ryan) You’d be DA BELLE OF DA BALL MY FRIEND, DA BELLE OF DA BALL! You’d be somebody’s B****!”
Ryan: Michael…please….
Prison Mike: "The worst thing about prison was the Dementors…always flying around”
2 comments:
Michael: [picks up a dumbbell] Why don’t we pump some iron. Anybody wanna pump up?
Jim: What is that, like, 5 pounds?
Michael: It’s two and a half. I’m not going for bulk, I’m going for tone.
Andy: Pam-a-lama-ding-dong. Listen…you’re cute, there’s no getting around it. So I don’t know if you like country music but I was thinking one of these days we could we could drive out to a field, crank up some tunes, smoke a few Macanudos, maybe even toss a disc around…at-whay o-day ou-yay ink-thay m-pay?
Pam: Kinda sounds like prison is better than Dunder Mifflin.
Kevin: I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for because it sounds and awful lot like what I do here every day.
Michael: Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What’s he wearing? Nothing special. Baseball cap on backward, baggy pants. He says something ordinary like, “Yo, that’s shizzle”. Now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well shame on you.
Michael: You show me a white man you trust and I will show you a black man that I trust even more. Pam, tell me what white person you trust.
Pam: My dad.
Michael: …Danny Glover!
Jim: Jonas Salk.
Michael: Who?
Jim: Justin Timberlake
Michael: Oh please. Colin Powell!
Karen: Hey I’ve got one. Jesus.
Michael: Apollo Creed.
Andy singing to Pam:
"Someday we'll find it, the ainbow-ray onnection-kay."
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